One Woman’s Story
“I walked out of the abortion clinic, expecting to feel relieved. I was only a few days late for my period when I got a positive pregnancy test. I was on a full-ride scholarship at a well-known Christian college. My dad was an elder in the church where I grew up. My family’s name was synonymous with respect in our small community.
I lived a secret life that would have shocked my parents. I loved them and didn’t want to hurt them. When I discovered I was pregnant, I told myself that no one would ever need to know. I thought of myself as a strong person and I made some tough decisions right away. First, I broke up with my boyfriend…no need to complicate things with involving him in my decision. If I eliminated him from my life I could protect my privacy. Second, I went to the bank and withdrew $600 from the savings account that my parents had set up for my on-campus meals program. (I could eat peanut butter and jelly for the next semester!)
Then I drove to a city about two hours from my school. I knew there was a big abortion clinic there. I checked into a cheap motel under an assumed name and paid cash for a room. I went to the abortion clinic to see how soon they could do the procedure. After doing a pregnancy test, they told me to come back the next day. I breathed a sigh of relief, thinking “this is going to be easier than I thought.”
I had a good night’s sleep, secure in the knowledge that I was doing the right thing and that this was the best way to protect my family. No one would ever know. I drove to the clinic, paid my bill at the window and took the ticket they handed me. I read a magazine until they called my number. About 30 minutes later, I was walking across the parking lot towards my car. I had some slight discomfort – just mild cramping – but other than that, I was fine.
As I opened the door and got into my car, I felt like a tsunami had hit me. Wave after wave of grief washed over me, and I cried out, “What have I done?!” The relief of my “problem” being over was short-lived and somehow in the depths of my soul I knew that this decision would haunt me forever.
Thirty minutes one autumn afternoon ruined my life for almost twenty years. Oh, there were moments of relief along the way…I eventually met a nice guy, had a daughter, and lived an average life. But I protected my secret fiercely. When I woke up at night in a cold sweat because I could hear a baby crying, I simply told my husband I had a nightmare. When I heard the sound of a vacuum cleaner, my heart would palpitate and my palms got clammy. I avoided baby showers and medical doctors with a vengeance. I had to protect my secret.
I traveled to the city where I had the abortion with a co-worker for a business trip almost two decades later. Looking for a restaurant one night, we got lost (that was before GPS!). She pulled over to look at our street map and I looked at the building we were parked in front of – it was the same abortion clinic I had visited that long-ago day. She noticed the building, too. That wall that I had built up for what seemed like a lifetime came tumbling down and all I could do was cry. For almost an hour, we just sat there as I sobbed uncontrollably. She pulled tissues out of her purse and kept handing them to me. She did not say a word. She let me cry until I was done.
When I stopped, she put her arm around me and said, “You need to get help. I know how you feel – I used to feel the same way, but I found out that there is help and healing available for those of us who regret our abortions. There is a group at home called Hope Restored and they can help you.” We didn’t talk about it anymore that night. I dried my tears and we found our restaurant. When she dropped me off at my house after the business trip, she handed me one of her cards with a phone number scribbled on it. “Call these women. They can help you.”
I made the phone call and began the rest of my life. A 12-week Bible Study was the road that put me back into a right relationship with God. It allowed me to escape from the prison I had created for myself. It allowed me to experience forgiveness and healing that I didn’t think was possible. I have truly come to a point where I know that I am forgiven and set free.”
If you, or someone you know is suffering from the pain and regret of abortion in their past, make the call and begin the healing. 954-372-7089.
Non-essential facts have been withheld to protect the privacy of this woman whose story is shared by millions of women across our nation. The details of their experiences differ, but an article entitled: “The Cost of Abortion” cites research that says 80% of the women who choose abortion do come to a moment when they ask themselves, “What Have I Done?”
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