We are pleased to welcome a new face to the Hope Family! Christi Perry joined our staff on October 30th and is already using her creative writing talents to bless us. She has known about Hope her whole life; her dad, Pastor Bill Perry was a founding board member in 1987, and her mom, Jennifer is one of our nurses.
For her first assignment, Christi was asked to write something from a perspective she had never considered before. She delivered this unique perspective – a look into the thoughts of the child whose life may be at risk when mom visits Hope Women’s Centers.
My Journey to Hope
I couldn’t see yet; but, at day twenty-two, my heart was already beating. I wasn’t sure if she knew how fast I was growing. Or, if she knew I was even a reality.
At five weeks old, I started noticing feature on my small body: ears, nose, face and my brain were all starting to form.
Did she know by now? Could she feel me? …Mom?
By eight weeks, I thought I heard her say, through tears, “I don’t know what to do. I think I’m pregnant” I don’t know who she was talking to. All I could hear was my mom saying, “You don’t understand. I don’t have any other option.” I couldn’t understand her tears. Why was she sad? And what did she mean she didn’t have any other option? I thought there was only one.
A few weeks later, I could tell we were headed somewhere. I wasn’t sure where, but I felt it was important. Maybe she will somehow be able to see me. I desperately wished she could. I tried to let her know I was there, but I was still forming. I couldn’t speak and I didn’t have much control over my movements. I would try to wiggle as much as possible. It was my way of communicating.
Once we arrived, I heard a peaceful voice. I think my mom needed that. She was shaking. I didn’t understand why. I wondered where my Dad was. He should be here, I thought.
The peaceful voice asked her to have a seat. I think they gave her a test. Once she took it, the peaceful voice, which I think was a lady, came back. She sounded kind, empathetic and understanding. She really listened to my mom. She said she wasn’t alone. She said my mom had options. She talked about me too. She asked my mom what she thought was best for me. I so wanted my mom to know I was with her and that I was cheering for her.
We got home that night and, like so many nights before it, she cried herself to sleep. Sometimes she cried so hard her entire stomach seized up. Where was my Dad? Why wasn’t anyone comforting her? I wished that lady with the peaceful voice could be here. I knew it helped my mom to talk to her.
A day after the appointment, I heard my mom talking to her friend. “Just get one. Get it taken care of. I got one and I’m fine. Plus, you didn’t ask for this. That scumbag coerced you. It was a horrible night gone wrong. Don’t make it a horrible life gone wrong.” I didn’t like the sound of this. I didn’t know what she was talking about though.
“Just get one. Get it taken care of. I got one and I’m fine…”
A few days later, we were headed back to the place where the lady with the peaceful voice was. There was something different about this place. Like it was a safe-haven for my mom and me amid a violent storm threatening to take our very lives.
After signing in, we were taken into a small room. There was a different voice this time. It was gentle. This new lady started performing a procedure. I was nervous. I didn’t know what was going on. Just then, I noticed a small thing on the screen. It was tiny. I moved, and it moved. I did a circle, it did a circle. I suddenly realized this it was me. My dream had come true. My mom could see me! I tried to move as much as possible. I was so happy because now she knew I was here. Now, she could know that I was with her, even if no one else was. I tried to yell, but nothing came out. I still couldn’t speak. Instead, I kept moving. I tried to dance. I wiggled. I stuck my thumb in my mouth. I made circles. I couldn’t believe my mom could actually see me.
I wondered what she thought. I thought I heard her cry. I wished she didn’t cry so much, but these tears seemed different. These tears seemed happy. The lady with the gentle voice asked her if she could pray for her. I didn’t know what this was, but whatever it was made my mom completely relax. It was as if this prayer helped take the weight of the world off my mom’s shoulders. She left that day and something inside of her changed.
The days that followed still caused my mom to be stressed and tense, but my mom never cried as hard as she had done before. I know my mom was still scared, but she had a resilience about her. She was determined to carry me to term. I found out later that 86% of women change their minds when they see their baby on on ultrasound screen. I’m so glad my mom saw me before she ‘got it taken care of’.
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