I went to the Hope Women’s Centers Volunteer Orientation with the desire to volunteer.
In my mind this would be a simple process because all elements added up: they had the need for volunteers and I had some free time, the heart and the passion to make a difference for the Lord.
The first person to speak was Betty, the Client Services Director who was a delight. She was professional and informative and you could tell she knew her stuff. I thought at any moment she would tell those of us in the orientation where, when and how we would be used at Hope. It was at that moment she asked had any of us ever had an abortion (I admitted I had on my paperwork) and she stated that in order to volunteer, anyone that has had an abortion would need to take either the 12-week course or the weekend course Hope offered through their Hope Restored Program.
I received a phone call not long after the Orientation from Debie who also seemed very nice and who I learned she led the Hope Restored Program that was mentioned. We set an appointment to meet and when we met we talked a little about ourselves and the organization. Debie explained as did Betty why it was so important for staff and volunteers who have experienced abortions to go through this program before counseling in the centers. She explained that in order for someone to help women and men that come to our centers, they must first be healed from their own abortion experience(s). She said this was because Hope cares that our staff and volunteers were healthy and (for those that it applies to) healed from past abortion experiences.
Debie also spoke about what would be expected of the women during the upcoming weekend retreatI was thinking of attending. The one thing that was alarming to me was that we would have to turn in our phones as soon as we arrived at the place we were staying at…WHAT!!! After I left from meeting with Debie, I was actually having second thoughts and I remember thinking on the way home “what in the world?!! I wont be able to say goodnight to my husband for the entire weekend and I truly don’t believe that I even need this because a barely remember my abortions!”
The first day of the weekend retreat we all checked into our rooms, introduced ourselves and we got right to the business at hand. As I sat and listened to each testimony I really felt for the women that were telling their stories, but I couldn’t stop thinking that because of the direction we had started the discussion I was going to be the last one to speak and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to be honest.
There was no way I was going to risk being judged or looked down on by anyone.
Little did I know that these woman who had set this retreat up were on to something, something that I didn’t get, as smart and hard as I think I am. I turned to mush during this weekend. I was somehow able to bring to the surface things that I had forgotten, or had not even thought about in many years.
I have never been comfortable and have not trusted anyone enough to open up completely. I felt I couldn’t be completely and totally honest without feeling as if I was being looked at and judged the way a lot of people do when they hear something that’s appalling and ugly.
I truly believed that my abortions didn’t affect me and I believed that I could have counseled and have been a strong shoulder for the women that needed assistance. I know that I am strong, sensitive and have a lot of love for people,
but I can honestly say that not only did I need that weekend for the cleansing of my soul but also for honoring my children that I will one day see in Heaven. That weekend has made me look at things in my life differently and even though I’m a born again Christian and want to spend my life serving the Lord, I will not hesitate to tell the whole brutal truth of my testimony to young lives if it will help in some way.
In a big way I owe this in part to Hope Women’s Centers. I always thought of telling parts of my life in a book but leaving some parts out in fear of being judged, but I don’t feel that way anymore. I’m telling it all when I think it will help.
During the weekend, the woman accepted me as a person they cared about. Although we were all from different backgrounds and cultures, we all had at least one thing in common and I for one feel like I’ve made some life long friends.
*This story is shared with permission and the author’s name was left out upon request.
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